So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
