i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
