He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize