i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
