i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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