At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize