There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
