Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I wish there were birth control emojis
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
