It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
