This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you inspire me to be a worse person
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize