her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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