I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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