dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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