I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize