her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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