so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
