I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
