My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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