Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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