is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
