Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
