Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
