Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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