Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
