I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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