He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
