So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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