my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
