is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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