I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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