Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize