That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize