it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we made out on top of his cat.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
