Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
