maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
