I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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