Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
