so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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