Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The struggles of a small town man whore
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
