I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's always time for handjobs
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
