what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
