farters have to be the big spoon...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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