that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
