The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
