I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
