if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
