what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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