I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
