The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
