the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
