i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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