dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
