It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
