How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize