I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
