Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize