Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
