Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
