I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
