i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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