Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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