They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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