five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
