I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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