So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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