I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
