Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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